Leaving the Nest

I have been waiting for this moment for months.

And I don't think it has truly set in yet.

About a month ago, I walked into my manager's office. I was so nervous; this was the in my life that I had ever quit a job.

I almost started crying, I was so nervous.

"Why are you crying?" She asked me

"I am just really nervous." I am an open book.

"You don't have anything to be nervous about," She told me with a smile in her voice.

Over the next thirty minutes, we talked about where my future plans would take me.

I also told her that one of the reasons I was so nervous is because I didn't want to burn any bridges.

"This place is like my home; it's my first real job; these people here are my family," and I am sure I will be back, eventually, thanks Army.

Thankfully, I walked out of my manager's office with a smile not only on my face, but in my heart.

I am leaving the nest.

And it hasn't really sunk in yet.

Over the past couple months, I have been struggling.

My mental health took a dump, and my counselor attributes it to an increased issue with anxiety as well as something called "burn out."

Burn out is more than just 'too much stress;' it's when you have become stuck in a state of physical, emotion and mental exhaustion due to excessive and prolonged stress. Burn out overflows into every aspect of your life: you have emotional outburst towards the ones you love the most; your sleeping habits change; you feel drained even on your days off; your motivation withers; self-doubt becomes something that runs your thoughts.

These are just a few of the things I have been struggling with for many many months.

Having anxiety doesn't help when you find yourself stuck in a state of burn out. I had been dealing with increasingly worsening anxiety for well over a year, and the events of my 2020 magnified my anxiety to a place where I needed help.

Don't get me wrong, this hospital that has become my 'family,' is something I hold dear to my heart; but even family, at times, can be toxic.

Sometimes, leaving the nest if exactly what you need to do in order grow more so into the person you desire to be.

So here I am, two days away from leaving the nest I have known for well over three years, and it hasn't sunk in yet.

There were many moments where I thought about giving up. I had made a goal for myself, to stay put for a certain amount of time; and there was a voice in side my head that almost got me to quit prematurely.

And that's what makes this even more of a victory for me.

If you could see the tears and the anxiety and the lonely moments of which the last year consisted of, I feel as if you would see how much of a victory this moment is for me.

I have made it this far.

I told my counselor earlier this year that I don't know how I am going to make it till July.

She told me with full confidence in her voice, "Oh, you will make it."

And it is nice to have someone have confidence in me. The sad part, though, is in that moment, she had more confidence in me than I had in myself for many many months.

That is why this victory is beautiful.

I have the world at my fingertips, I just have to believe it.

I am stronger than I believe and more capable than I think.

My nest built me; its challenges strengthened me; its complexity taught me.

But the nest isn't where the little baby bird is meant to stay.

I am beyond thankful for the lessons and knowledge I have gained over the past three years; I am beyond thankful for the coworkers who have become more like family and the beautiful people who have opened their families and let me in. I am beyond thankful for the people I have met and the impact each has had on my life.

Here is to this adventure, and all the ones to come!