What Success Means to Them

I have lived in the beautiful state, my favorite state, of North Carolina for over two decades.

Talk about a quarter life crisis when you get up and move your self and your job halfway across the eastern time zone.

So I am being slightly dramatic; Georgia isn't that far from North Carolina. I mean if I want to go back and visit my family, it's only a, max, six hour drive. It's really not that bad.

But leaving my family and a town that has become encrypted on my heart was a cause for some much expected home-sickness.

That Sunday, after I packed down my quaint Toyota Camry and drove about 340 miles, I sat on the edge of the king sized bed that would be mine for the next few months, and cried.

I was overwhelmed; not in a bad way.

"This is actually happening."

It's funny, I guess, to admit even though in that moment I was crying, I also felt empowered.

That I can honestly do whatever I want to do.

I don't have to stay at my permanent job of three years if I don't want to.

I can branch out of my home state if I want to.

Success can be measured by what I believe it to be; I don't have to listen to what others say 'success' to be and measure myself by their standards.

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Before I left my permanent job, I met this traveler. I thought she was cool, I guess, at first; and then she opened her mouth.

Everything she said essentially was Oh high and mighty is me and low and woe is you.

So I honestly just made that up and I don't know if that is actually a saying or not, but you get the point.

There were conversations she butt in to to essentially tell the other person that she runs her life better than anyone else.

She talked about how what a wonderful nurse she is and about all this stuff she has done with her life; and for a minute there I was jealous that she possibly was the best nurse in the room.

And then I stopped myself.

I took a breath and then started thinking more logically.

As this said person continued to talk, the more trust I lost in her. Are half the things you are saying even true?

But that isn't the part that matters.

What matters is that I realized that in that moment, I was comparing myself to her view of success. I took her definition of success as the golden standard; that was my first mistake, a thought fallacy, if you will.

This traveler only knew my name, and very few details about me. She didn't know about the challenges and struggles I had overcome the last year; she didn't know what I held dearest to my heart. She didn't know the things that make me me.

And then I asked myself a very important question.

"What do you want?"

When we ask ourselves this question, we are digging for what the word 'success' means to us.

It doesn't matter that the nurse that is standing fifteen feet away from you is ECMO certified, or has worked at only trauma level I's.

For a minute, I felt that if I am not the best nurse in the room, I have failed myself.

Be kind to yourself, baby girl, because that is nothing more than a lie.

If you want to quit your job and be a travel nurse, do it.

If you want to trial jobs other than being an ICU nurse, do it.

If you want to move across the country with the love of your life, do it.

If you want to go back to school, do it.

If you want to do something that some random travel nurse who thinks they are all that thinks you shouldn't do, ignore her because she is stupid and she isn't you. She doesn't have to live with your challenges and your mental health. Screw them who hardly even know you but always have to weigh in on your decisions.

They don't have to live with your unhappiness, you do.

At the end of the day, the only person you want to impress is yourself.

And that is why I quit my full-time job and embarked on the crazy idea of travel nursing.

I am way out of my comfort zone, and right now, I am doing exactly what I want to be doing.

And I am so glad that I decided to ignore what that know it all traveler had to say to me.

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So, take a deep breath, and ask yourself, what does success mean to me?

You don't have to be the best ECMO ICU nurse to be successful.

You don't have to stay in your toxic job because that is all you know.

When I am truly happy is when I consider myself successful.

So, let me be in search of what brings my heart joy.

xoxo